Sexual Encounters

 I’ve just tried to show my 18 year old sister a picture of the guy I hooked up with on Facebook, who happens to be from Jupiter, Fl. Her response: “ Yeah. I’d tap that. Get in your rocket ships: we’re going to Jupiter!” Then followed a rendition of the song “Drops of Jupiter” by Train, as performed by my sister, who knows approximately 25% of the lyrics.

“..Drops of Jupiter! In her ha-ay-ay-air. Hay-ay-ay-air. Eh Eh eh . EHHHHHH. Tell me! Eh…eh…ahh… wind on your feet! Something something lottery! Eh eh…”

It always weirds me out to hear my 18 year old sister telling me she would “tap that.” Probably because my entire life I’ve always still felt like she’s a kid, even though I keep getting older. I guess she’s 18 now though. We bought lottery tickets together a few weeks ago. Recently, we were getting ready for work/school (work for me, school for her) and we were doing our hair in the bathroom. My dad was walking down the hallway to say goodbye before work, but before he got to the bathroom, he stopped in the hallway. He bent to pick something up. Then he tossed it on the counter.

“What’s this doing in my hallway?”

It was a Trojan condom wrapper.

My sister: “The dog must have taken it out of the garbage.”

Dad: “Well, why is it in the garbage?”

My sister: “ Well…. My boyfriend and I are being safe! I’m 18 years old, DAD!”

At that moment I couldn’t leave for work fast enough.

The most amazing part of this is that our dog did basically the same thing to my other sister Christmas before last when he dragged her used condom out of the trash can and left it for my mom to find when she took her boyfriend to the airport. The Abstinence Dog strikes again!! My parents would probably be relieved if I ever ‘fessed up to that. It would mean that I hadn’t become a lesbian, because, for all the male traffic I bring through this house, they’d have to wonder. Dental dams would still leave some doubts.