Troll Apocalypse?

I saw a woman on the street on my way in to work today who scared the hell out of me. Giant lips, long, fried, black hair... she looked like a muppet. I do not understand this “beauty” trend. It makes everyone look like cartoons!

Here are what seem to be the steps:

The modern woman?

• Fake n’ Bake until your skin has the color and consistency of a leather belt.
•  Botox inject your lips until they look like two sausages attempting to escape from your teeth.
• Fry your hair completely flat.
• Apply fake eyelashes. Thicker the better.

If you have fur or snakeskin to clothe yourself in, all the better. Or inappropriately short skirts that show off muscular, manly legs in the case of this morning’s creature.

 

Luckily this doesn’t seem to be taking off as HUGELY popular, but it certainly has become mainstream enough that I’m finding it on the streets of midtown Manhattan on a Thursday morning, instead of in a back alley of tranny prostitutes (for which this woman could have been honestly mistaken). Ma’am (Sir?) please stop looking like an oversized Bratz doll that is old enough to be my mother and try to age gracefully. Or possibly join the circus. Not cute.