I can feel my bra tightening.

Not in the good way (as in, I’ve gone up a cup size). More like I’m going up a belt size. As I write this, there is a Corona “Light” in my hand with a slice of lime in it. That would be my fruit intake for the day.

Drinking is becoming, sadly, the thing I turn to out of boredom. I am a full time helicopter buyer, part time alcoholic. 

Me, stuffing my Gorilla-face

This is probably not the best move made tonight given that I have just purchased 2 new bikinis in preparation for a family vacation in the British Virgin Islands that starts on Friday. If anything, I should be going for a run- straight to Sono Bello for a last minute tummy tuck. I suppose it still doesn’t matter too much though- with the way I’ve let my eyebrows and other bodily hair grow freely, I will soon be more closely resembling an 800 lb gorilla than a 24 year old human.

The Caribbean vacation is not a cruise. It is my family of 5 and my godparents (bringing the total number of people up to 7) who are renting a 40 ft catamaran and chartering it around the islands themselves. 

My Dad.

Here are some interesting facts to take into consideration:

• ·         None of us has ever been to the Caribbean.
• ·         More than half of us have never been on a catamaran.
• ·         My dad knows about sailing, but he has a Cal 20 racing boat, not a 40 foot Cat. And the Cal took a beating last year in the Columbia river when the mast inexplicably split in two, causing everyone to evacuate and having to get the boat towed to shore. This is basically going to be Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer chartering a Carnival Cruise ship through tropical islands they’ve never been to.

I guess we’re as prepared as we can be, though. With my mom on board, we’re bound to have the most over-planned, efficient vacation ever!

Last week she prepared by researching all the drinks one could make with rum. Unsurprisingly, it primarily involves coconut and pineapple juice. 

Paradise!

“Look what I did today! And I have it divided into blended drinks and on-the-rocks style. Because I’m not sure if we’re going to have access to a blender or not.” It was a laminated brochure of rum-based drinks. 

 Shortly after that, she emailed all the people in our party with a typed up menu of food she thought we would be eating at each meal for the 10 days we’re gone. 

I feel prepared- I have 2 swimsuits, a light cotton skirt, and a bikini wax scheduled tomorrow. My godfather is bringing ipod speakers, I plan to buy some magazines and dive into my Tina Fey book. I think my mom has everything else more than under control.

The Birthday Post

Well, today’s the day. Big birthday number 24. One foot in the grave. The last year that I can have ONE box of standard birthday candles on my cake where each represents ONE year. 

I spent the day trying to feel younger, or at least imagine I grow up to be as eternally youthful as Heidi Klum, who shares my birthday.

Fortunately, I live at home, which makes feeling younger much easier. Nothing makes you feel more like a child than having your mom pack your lunch in the morning, and my mom does! Around 10 am at work I went to the refrigerator to find a snack and when I opened my lunchbox, I found a little surprise. 

It was one of those foil-wrapped balloon weights that are usually popular at New Year’s parties. I wasn’t really sure what to do with it- no one at work had particularly acknowledged that it was my birthday. It seemed kind of silly to take my balloon weight (with no balloons) out of my lunchbox and set it on my desk for no particular reason. So I put it back in the refrigerator, which seemed like the only logical choice.

Foil-wrapped balloon weight

Later that evening I met up with my girlfriends at a restaurant downtown, enticed by the promise of party hats, which we all wore. People at the restaurant looked at us strangely, but let it go.

If there is one thing I love, it’s party hats. I can’t think of one thing that doesn’t look hilarious in one. Last year my ex-boyfriend texted me a picture of a dog in a party hat for my birthday. This year he sent me one of two chinchillas in party hats. I will say this for him: he definitely knows me well!

 One of my good friends got me a “Spinster Starter Kit” which included a bottle of wine shaped like a cat, a package of Easy-Mac, the fourth season of 30 Rock, and the latest book by Tina Fey. (Liz Lemon IS my idol.) I don’t think I could have asked for more! It was a great birthday.