Say No to Doctors.

So a bit more about Needle In The Haystack guy. Still seeing him. In all logic, he’s a great choice. Smart, funny, and, lately, very sensitive. The last time I was over at his place, as things started to get heated between us, he got up. This is not unusual for us- I figured he was just going to hit the overhead light, leave the kitchen light and TV on, and come back to bed to take care of business. Like all men do, for the most part. 

However- he got up, turned off the kitchen light, overhead light, and the TV. Then HE TURNED ON SOME MUSIC! I couldn’t believe it. This is like serious love-making quality stuff. This is the most intimate and romantic sex I’d had since probably college when I dated a guy who wasn’t selfish. Shocking, refreshing, awesome.

He usually provides the perfect amount of protection vs trust (a hugely important issue for me). On the protection side, for example, when I was groped by my airplane neighbor during landing a couple of weeks ago returning from Portland, I didn’t really know what to do. It was awkward and I felt dirty about it. He ditched right after we got off the plane and he had done it while we were descending, so it wasn’t like stewardesses were out and about. I was creeped out so I texted NITH guy. He told me I had to report it. Even if I can push it aside like no big issue, it is my civic duty to report something like that to try to save other people from having the same problems with the same creepy guy. So I did. I ended up getting 3,000 airline miles added to my account by the embarrassed and thoroughly confused customer service girl who had obviously thought I was calling to complain about the lack of meals served on flights nowadays. Sexual assault is not common, but not something to be taken lightly. I immediately felt better after doing it too. NITH does the right thing.

On the trust side- when I went up to Boston to see Boston Guy, he knew I was visiting a guy up there for the weekend. I appreciate the fact that he trusts me anyway and I appreciate even more that he didn’t ask me detailed questions. He simply asked “Did you have a good time?” Uhh, yes. Yes I did. (This, by the way, brings up a whole other set of issues that I have an enormous, illogical, and completely one-sided crush on Boston Guy, who has not contacted me in days. More on that later.)

Regardless of my issues, NITH is pretty much perfect. Clearly the most awesome guy in Manhattan. He is frustrating me currently though by taking his “protection side” out of bounds. He wants me to go to a doctor. 

Dr. Leo Spaceman of 30 Rock

I realize that I am sick, but not THAT sick. Two days ago this may have been viable. I hate doctors. Every time I go, it’s always some hassle where I spent the entire day in the waiting room, either filling out new patient paperwork or finding out that my insurance will not be accepted so I’ll have to pay out of pocket. Then, after jumping through hoops all day, I go to an uncomfortable appointment (because, with low budget clinics in NY, low expectations are the new high expectations.) Bedside manner is clearly not encouraged. It’s the typical argumentative bullshit New York attitude problem with every administrative person and doctor through the entire process. By the end of the appointment, they’ll tell you you’re sick and you should drink soup. Then they bill you $100 for that sage advice. They can’t even hook you up with some soup? They write prescriptions for every other thing! If I wanted to waste my whole day, be frustrated, and get free advice, I would just go to the DMV and then call my mom. Because that is what the doctor is like for me. Never worth it.

NITH is trying to bribe me via text message right now. He is trying to bribe me with a massage, which is usually the trump card for me doing anything. Not this though. I told him I would rather die alone in this apartment with my cat, a spinster in her prime, than go to the doctor. I’m not going unless it’s in an ambulance.

And, in any case, I’m FINE! I just have a gross cough now that will be here all season, just like every year, and nothing else is wrong. I think I might go have some coffee and go out today just to prove a point. Back off, NITH. You will not win the doctor argument. I am building my immune system by rejecting Western medicine!

Embracing Spinsterhood. An Exposé on What I Did Tonight.

Today I am sick. I’ve had the flu for a couple of days, but the fever has broken and I was eventually driven from the apartment due to a toilet paper shortage and to wash my sheets that I had sweated on all night. 

I also had what my Aussie friend would call “a case of the Sads.” This is where you’re depressed because things that you thought you would have had figured out are not turning out the way you had hoped. Career-wise, that is always the case for me, so I am almost numb to it. This was a boy related case. 

It was made worse because I was sore from the flu and coughing, alone, in my apartment with NYC-standard-issue uneven heating systems and watching marathon 30 Rock episodes with our cat. On a Saturday night. Loneliness rules all.

After getting too cold, I decided that a bath was the only thing that could fix this. I couldn’t get anyone to come out to Brooklyn to give me a massage (let alone ever) and I sure as hell wasn’t leaving the apartment again. Toilet Paper Quest took it out of me. 

However, I remembered that baths are incredibly boring. I brought my laptop in an balanced it on the toilet so I could continue watching, and turned on the bathroom space-heater, which reminded me of old times in college with my roommate. (When we had lived together, she refused to let us turn the heat on until hats had to come out, so I would always do my homework on the bathroom floor since it was the smallest room in the place. )

After setting up my laptop with my sitcoms, drawing a hot bath, and cranking up the heat, I also decided I was hungry. I grabbed the only food I had available- cold taco meat from making taco salads earlier in the week- and a fork and went off to the bathroom.

Sitting in the tub, chowing down on week old taco meat, a number of conflicting thoughts crossed my mind: “You have found a way to coordinate almost all of your favorite things! Warmth, 30 Rock, leftovers, and solitude. Oh, but you have reached a new level of sadness that you didn’t even know you had in you. No wonder you’re single. I wonder if this is something the character Liz Lemon would be doing? You’re taking this show too seriously.… Man, I hope my roommate doesn’t come home and walk in on this one.”

Luckily, she didn’t. Also, my freezing to death problem was solved for the meantime and I am now nice and clean and ready to go to bed on clean sheets. It’s the little things like this that I appreciate. Loneliness overruled!