On Being a Transient…

As usual, our office is freezing again. No worries though. I’m evolving into a sub-arctic human being.

I’m starting to get a bit exhausted with living at home. I feel like I don’t take care of myself very well anymore because I don’t really belong anywhere- half my stuff is at my parents’ where I have commandeered a bedroom temporarily and live out of boxes, while the other half of my stuff is still at my boyfriend’s house- being used (in my best guess) a little aggressively. Now all my things are too disorganized for me to bother with things that I normally pay attention to. I’m currently wearing the same underwear I wore yesterday, for example.

I recently got a status update on the girl I was planning on moving in with- apparently her dad is cutting her off and she’s exploring her lesbian tendencies. She’s been unemployed since August and before that worked in a bookstore in Portland. Without the external help, she has had to give up her extravagant downtown two-bedroom, rent a storage space, and move in with an aunt outside of the city. She has a new girlfriend as well. My sources tell me she is like Eeyore, which is really too bad, because my potential future roommate is a very attractive and friendly girl.

On the other hand, I have no idea what my plans are regarding living location, so maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that things aren’t working out on that front.

Language

Lately I’ve been learning all kinds of vocabulary from my youngest sister that is making me feel old. There is only a 6 year age difference, and yet, it’s like speaking to someone from a foreign country.

For example: “Totes.” This is an expression of agreement, literally a lazy derivation of the word “totally.”

My sister has also coined her own phrases such as “grout-fit” and “Rambo.” “Grout-fit” came about when I was accused of wearing one the other day; apparently it is an all-gray colored outfit. In context, I’m sure the statement was something like “You totes need a scarf or something to go with that grout-fit.” This might be some popular thing amongst 17-year-olds. I don’t really know.

However, I’m pretty sure “Rambo” is an original. Basically it’s the same as going commando (aka wearing no underwear under your pants) except it specifically refers to not having shaved your pubic hair first, since it’s like a jungle. I can’t even think of a reason this word needs to exist.

Sleep Deprivation

Today is rough physically. I only had 3 beers last night with my friends, but I stayed up too late and I’m definitely tired today. Usually when I’m sleepy in the morning, I go lie down in the shower in the fetal position and try to sleep a few more minutes. The mentality is that I’m killing two birds with one stone- getting ready while simultaneously sleeping in- however, it doesn’t ever really work. Water is used to bring people out of an unconscious state, not put them back to sleep. So, while it is relaxing, it is not effective.  

I ended up getting to work about 10 minutes early and reclining the driver’s seat and taking a cat nap before work. I probably look insane, but at least it’s better than trying to do it at intersections during the red light (which HAS happened before).  Sometimes all you need is the extra 10 minutes. I feel much better now!

It probably didn’t help that I kept having weird dreams last night either. I dreamed that Taylor Swift was the President of the United States and also maintaining her status as the best country music star. In the dream she was 13 years old instead of 21, but she still looked and (I suppose) acted the same as she does now. Obviously, everyone was very impressed that the youngest (and first female) president had ever been elected! How does she do it? A full-time country music career AND running the country? What was pretty cool for me was my celebrity encounter in the dream- My boyfriend, myself, my sister, and her boyfriend were all in an elevator and who should be there but the President herself! However, none of us knew what to say so we ended up just doing the thing where you hesitate to push the button, but then when you realize the other person is doing the same thing, you both reach for it too fast and there’s this little awkward period followed by awkward-elevator silence. Strangely, there was no secret service on the elevator, but, then again, with 5 of us it was already pretty crowded.

Dilemma

So my quarter-life-crisis is reaching decision time in the dilemma. My boyfriend, who is a musician for a living, could use some marketing to organize his strengths into a promote-able package. I want to do entertainment work, preferably in the music industry, and my degree is in marketing. We work well together, mutually motivate, and would probably be a pretty unstoppable force once we got into the swing of things. This would also not require me to move to a major city. I would be able to start locally and decide if major-city movement would ever really be necessary.

The downside: He is not in the financial shape to hire a professional to do the job (hence the only reason the opportunity is available to me.) This means I would be unpaid- basically an entertainment marketing intern- at least until I prove myself a valuable employee and succeed at making him some money. It would be motivating because if he goes down, we both go down. Compensation has not been fully discussed, but he knows he would have to cover some of my expenses.

Another concern is (obviously) that we are romantically involved, meaning that any turbulence in the relationship could lead to employment problems. Fortunately, he is professional enough that I don’t think this would be a problem and I don’t see us breaking up any time soon, but I want some kind of contingency plan for this.

The main concern, though, is the parents. His are super-religious and do not want me living with him. This is how it used to be and they were thrilled when I moved out to appease them. (This was discussed as part of the compensation- I could live there and he would pay rent and bills).

My parents are super-negative. I don’t even want to broach the subject of quitting my entry level dead-end job with benefits to “take a step backwards” as they would see it. Going from a company with a 401k plan to being an unpaid intern in an industry you know nothing about? Stupid. My argument for this is that I knew nothing about the industry I work in now when I started and now I manage quite fine- and I don’t even like it! Also, it would be better to get out now when I have nothing to lose, really, instead of staying for years, gaining nothing but wrinkles and regret for not doing something worthwhile. However, I’m sure if I were to continue living with them throughout the process, it would be an endless tirade of pessimism for my future and how I’m a failure at life because I’m still living at home and working for nothing.

I see a once in a lifetime opportunity and a possible stepping stone, but I wonder if I can overcome the inevitable negativity that will result. I wish I could just be honest with them about the ups and downs and have them say something helpful instead of voicing all the ways it’s going to go wrong. I can think of those myself!

Thy body is a temple…

I realize I have been addressing all of the career-related goals of 2011 and none of the others. I have a court date this week about my latest traffic violation (which is from 2010, by the way, so it doesn’t count as having received the ticket this year). I’ve also recently joined a gym, so working out is on the up.

Actually, I had a wonderfully awkward experience of joining my boyfriend’s mother in a workout session at her church. Basically it entails an eclectic group of 7 or 8 older women performing a relatively intense workout to worship music in one of the upstairs Sunday School rooms. This experience immediately brought to my attention three things I realized about my own working out.

1. Typically my workouts are running to club/techno followed by weight-lifting to misogynistic rap tunes. This would be a first for me and God bonding through sweat.
2. I noticed that when I am really pushing it, profanity tends to escape my mouth. This is not something that I usually notice or care about, but was definitely the last thing I wanted when partnering up with my boyfriend’s intensely religious mother.
3. I am really out of shape.

Our workout sounded something like this:

Work-out music: “ And we praaaaaise Him…”

Me: “Oh my God..ness! Goodness this is intense!”

Work-out music: “For He is Holy…”

Me: *panting * “What the fuh….ge!”

Work-out music: “Oooohhh Jeeeeesus!”

Me: “Christ!”

Boyfriend’s Mom: “See? This is no girly-workout!”

Me: *Dry-heaving*

The woman is 65 years old and can kick my ass in work-out class! I’ve just spent the last week waddling around my office to and from the fax machine and coordinating all my printing at once to minimize the amount of times I will have to engage leg muscles to leave my chair. However, I think I will probably continue to go to this workout class because it is good exercise and it is free. It fills me with the Holy Spirit, which feels like a cardiac arrest.

Cities I might live in (the final thoughts)

Presently the scenario is as such: freezing in my office, contemplating the difficulties of moving to New York City. Financially, it will be a strain, but with proper planning, why couldn’t I do it? People move across the country to the Big Apple all the time. In the wisdom of Jay-Z, “If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.”

But CAN I make it? What will I DO in NYC? The primary appeal of moving to somewhere that will undoubtedly be even more frigid than this office is the New York lifestyle- glamour, Broadway, living life in the fast lane sort of thing. Basically a change of scenery. While everyone-who-is-anyone is going to be inside, making tabloids in the club, I will either be a.) waiting in sub-freezing weather outside the club because I am not on the guest list or, more likely, b.) working late to pay the bills in my early 19th century apartment building that smells like urine and costs more than half of my paycheck.  

I could be ready, I think, in a few months. I’ve visited New York twice in the last two years and absolutely love it. The city that never sleeps is EXACTLY the kind of place I find welcoming. I love the efficient subway system and enormous skyscrapers at the end of Manhattan that end where the coast begins. Every restaurant has the best food in town. There has got to be a logical explanation for more people living in New York City than in any other city in America, and I think I know what it is. It’s because New York City is the best place to be.

I guess my main concern about moving anywhere is not wanting to be doing the same thing I’m doing now- some boring dead-end job where I live for my weekends- and having no friends to hang out with after work. I know you can MAKE new ones, but it is certainly a lot easier to do so in school.

Cities I might live in (continued)

Option 2: Los Angeles. It’s true; I’ve only been to the airport and I think it is my own personal hell, but how much of a balanced sample can LAX really provide? One of the major appeals of LA is that my sister currently lives there, thus meaning I would already be able to have a place to crash while looking for work, housing, or whatever. The weather is also nice (maybe a little TOO nice) and it is on the West Coast, therefore the most practical move from my current location. Out of the cities I’m interested in moving to, Los Angeles would be the least difficult transition.

I was getting myself pretty psyched about it for a while, but had dinner with family friends last night from LA. Their statements were things like :
“ I live seven miles from where I work and it takes me an hour and a half, one way.”

“I worked for this woman who was an absolute witch! She always screamed at her kids, made me use my own car to get them around, and never reimbursed me for gas. You can’t say anything though because you never know who-knows-who in Hollywood and you don’t want to blow your connections.”

“Basically living in Los Angeles is just having to deal with constantly over-inflated egos and diva behavior.”

Lovely. Sounds like an urban paradise.

Now, while I’m sure that their experience is more on par with what I’ll be facing given that I would be starting at square one, I am taking it with a grain of salt. Both of my friends had gone down to LA to become actors, and I feel that they are harboring some bitter feelings of resentment towards the city as they have been there for three years and not yet found their “break.” One such statement made was “LA is for film and models; New York is for actors.” Even better news for me, because I have heard periodically that I could be a model, but no one has ever told me that I would make a good actor. In fact, yesterday's review proves otherwise!

Also, I am armed with new (lower) expectations for the city, so if ANYTHING goes my way, it will be drastically better than what I anticipate.

I guess there’s no way to tell what will happen though- my boyfriend had the exact opposite experience with LA. He went down on a vacation after high-school, played and instrument on a street corner to earn some money on his trip, and went home with a demo tape and a record contract, later moving to Nashville. Sometimes things just work out.

Work in progress

So options for moving: Nashville. I have never been to Nashville, but it sounds interesting. Apart from tornados, it seems like a nice climate. Basically every country music star who has ever been has at some point lived there. Not that I am a huge country music buff, but I do love live entertainment. My boyfriend got his musical start there- according to him, basically every waitress is an undiscovered Amy Winehouse and every valet driver is the next Tim McGraw. Lots of lower-level temp jobs filled by beautiful, talented people chasing their dreams. This makes me somewhat concerned since I really don’t know what I would be doing there. More or less “dabbling” in entertainment, which is an industry full of professionals who persevere. A large part of the pull is that my godparents recently moved there and might be able to help me find a place to stay or recommend things to do. At this point, I’m thinking a visit might be best, because I really just don’t know what I’m talking about. I’ve heard good things.

In other news, I just had my second annual review this year, which sounds ridiculous. It is the 90 day review following my one-year review. This is not standard procedure for employees, but my bosses deemed that I was not “fired up” enough about working here, so they thought they would give me another 3 months of mindless busy work and see if my attitude improved. Now the 90 days has passed and, while my attitude is probably worse, at least my acting skills are up.

“Fired Up” is probably the most overused term at work, as in “Are you fired up?!” My dad thought I was joking about the enthusiasm my boss has for aircraft parts distribution, but he literally asks me every morning, sometimes multiple times. I’ve learned never to answer this question honestly unless I am actually feeling “fired up.” If you respond with a “maybe” or “I have to get some coffee first” you will be interrogated about your night and why you are not wildly enthusiastic about showing up to do an entry level job in a field you have no interest in.

Usually I just want to tell him that I (like most Americans, I suspect) work because I have to have a job and I would probably be fired up if I had the luxury of sitting in my office plotting my vacation schedule and implementing irritating motivational phrases all day. My sister wants to record a series of “fired up” noises such as “woohoo!” and “yeaaaaaah!” that I can play automatically whenever I am asked.

Fortunately, the second review ended in me getting a raise (to a whopping $30k per year). I suppose I should be thankful that chimpanzees have not yet entered the workforce because they would be qualified to work here and undoubtedly would only demand payment in bananas. Yet another reason to get out of here now!

Career Goals

Most of my life, I have not had an acceptable answer to the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?”  I started my early years by saying, “I want to be Princess Jasmine.” As I grew older and realized I could never grow up to become an animated Arabian princess, I changed my response to, “I want to be a stay-at-home mom. Like my mom!” Somewhere around the age of seven I decided that I would like to train tigers for the movies. When I was ten or eleven, I wanted to teach kindergarten, but decided it wasn’t for me after a series of negative babysitting experiences. In middle school I wanted to do interior design, and in high-school the only thing I could decide was that I wanted to be happy doing whatever I was doing.

And that has been the only consistency in my career aspirations since I was 15.

Finally, now that I have graduated college with a bachelor’s degree in marketing and been employed for over a year in a job that does not fit my only requirement, I am revisiting this question. It’s time to set some standards and meet them.

The things I have loved most throughout my experiences has been planning and organizing events. I especially love social events, although I have done a few that were more serious. I like to be in-the-know, to be the puppet master pulling all the strings. I like to be the faceless person who really runs the show, but stays out of the spotlight. I also love live music, although I can’t sing or play anything myself. Thinking about these skills and interests, my new answer to this question is that I would like to be an event planner, preferably in the music industry. I would like to plan and promote parties or possibly plan a tour. Maybe even book acts for venues. So, it’s not as cut and dry as my previous responses, but it’s a much more thoughtful.

The next step is formulating a plan on how to get to some variation of this career. What steps can I be taking now to help me with my long-run goals? I’ve been thinking a move to a major US city might be necessary, and I’ve narrowed it down to my top three choices: New York City, Los Angeles, and Nashville.