Say No to Doctors.

So a bit more about Needle In The Haystack guy. Still seeing him. In all logic, he’s a great choice. Smart, funny, and, lately, very sensitive. The last time I was over at his place, as things started to get heated between us, he got up. This is not unusual for us- I figured he was just going to hit the overhead light, leave the kitchen light and TV on, and come back to bed to take care of business. Like all men do, for the most part. 

However- he got up, turned off the kitchen light, overhead light, and the TV. Then HE TURNED ON SOME MUSIC! I couldn’t believe it. This is like serious love-making quality stuff. This is the most intimate and romantic sex I’d had since probably college when I dated a guy who wasn’t selfish. Shocking, refreshing, awesome.

He usually provides the perfect amount of protection vs trust (a hugely important issue for me). On the protection side, for example, when I was groped by my airplane neighbor during landing a couple of weeks ago returning from Portland, I didn’t really know what to do. It was awkward and I felt dirty about it. He ditched right after we got off the plane and he had done it while we were descending, so it wasn’t like stewardesses were out and about. I was creeped out so I texted NITH guy. He told me I had to report it. Even if I can push it aside like no big issue, it is my civic duty to report something like that to try to save other people from having the same problems with the same creepy guy. So I did. I ended up getting 3,000 airline miles added to my account by the embarrassed and thoroughly confused customer service girl who had obviously thought I was calling to complain about the lack of meals served on flights nowadays. Sexual assault is not common, but not something to be taken lightly. I immediately felt better after doing it too. NITH does the right thing.

On the trust side- when I went up to Boston to see Boston Guy, he knew I was visiting a guy up there for the weekend. I appreciate the fact that he trusts me anyway and I appreciate even more that he didn’t ask me detailed questions. He simply asked “Did you have a good time?” Uhh, yes. Yes I did. (This, by the way, brings up a whole other set of issues that I have an enormous, illogical, and completely one-sided crush on Boston Guy, who has not contacted me in days. More on that later.)

Regardless of my issues, NITH is pretty much perfect. Clearly the most awesome guy in Manhattan. He is frustrating me currently though by taking his “protection side” out of bounds. He wants me to go to a doctor. 

Dr. Leo Spaceman of 30 Rock

I realize that I am sick, but not THAT sick. Two days ago this may have been viable. I hate doctors. Every time I go, it’s always some hassle where I spent the entire day in the waiting room, either filling out new patient paperwork or finding out that my insurance will not be accepted so I’ll have to pay out of pocket. Then, after jumping through hoops all day, I go to an uncomfortable appointment (because, with low budget clinics in NY, low expectations are the new high expectations.) Bedside manner is clearly not encouraged. It’s the typical argumentative bullshit New York attitude problem with every administrative person and doctor through the entire process. By the end of the appointment, they’ll tell you you’re sick and you should drink soup. Then they bill you $100 for that sage advice. They can’t even hook you up with some soup? They write prescriptions for every other thing! If I wanted to waste my whole day, be frustrated, and get free advice, I would just go to the DMV and then call my mom. Because that is what the doctor is like for me. Never worth it.

NITH is trying to bribe me via text message right now. He is trying to bribe me with a massage, which is usually the trump card for me doing anything. Not this though. I told him I would rather die alone in this apartment with my cat, a spinster in her prime, than go to the doctor. I’m not going unless it’s in an ambulance.

And, in any case, I’m FINE! I just have a gross cough now that will be here all season, just like every year, and nothing else is wrong. I think I might go have some coffee and go out today just to prove a point. Back off, NITH. You will not win the doctor argument. I am building my immune system by rejecting Western medicine!

Too Much Of A Good Thing...

Having man troubles, except now it is the opposite of my usual problems in that I have a cup that runneth over instead of a cup that is completely dry. Last night I was texting my Needle in the Haystack guy, who is still too clever for me as demonstrated by the following conversation:
Me: So I breifly considered the gym. Didn't go. But I am still patting myself on the back because I cooked at home and made food like an adult. And then I sat down and ate it at the table instead of over the counter with a napkin or out of the box or something. Heyo!
NITH : I hope to someday have a table.
Me : In my case, it came with the apartment. Thanks, Roommate.
NITH: Mine came with loud French teenage neighbors. Thanks, Napoleon.

Zing! That boy gets me. I like the challenge. However, due to his extreme sarcasm, he's not especially romantic or feely or whatever, so I've been getting THAT fulfilled with entirely too much naughty texting with the 34 year old guy in Boston. That conversation is like reading 50 Shades of Gray, so I will not be posting it. He is a giver, incredibly sensitive, and- unfortunately- in Boston.

He visited me in NY a couple of weeks ago and some stuff (not sex) definitely happened. But it was GOOD. However, this is incredibly inconvenient timing as I had just begun recently sleeping with NITH. Boston knows about NITH, so I don’t feel too bad about that. And he’s in Boston anyway (not being a saint, I’m sure).  NITH doesn’t know about Boston. Just that he’s a friend who visited recently. Technically, I’m single. I have had no exclusivity conversations with anyone about anything and I don’t see a ring on this finger. Time to be a Samantha, I guess, but I still feel a bit guilty about it.

My main problem is not wanting anyone to get hurt while I am whoring around figuring things out. Honesty is pretty painful with this sort of situation, but finding out when you had a different expectation of what was going on is so much worse. That would make me no better than 2FD. I still feel wronged by that whole situation, so I don’t want to end up being a hypocrite doing the same thing as he is. Given that I like both of these people quite a lot, I would hate to damage either of them in any way.

I don't know what to do here. Damnit.

I Think I'll go to Boston... And Get Yelled at by a Stripper

This weekend I had more disappointments the world of men. I need to re-evaluate what I'm doing wrong, because I think it really must be me at this point.

I went to Boston. I was going to meet up with a former long-distance romantic interest (We aren't getting back together or anything, but what's wrong with getting some?) So, he had picked Boston. I was going to pay for my own ticket up there (luckily he picked somewhere on the east coast that I can actually get myself to) but then I would ask "So are we going on Friday or Saturday?"  No response. Then I'd say something like "So let me know about this weekend. Are we staying with your friends again?" His response "I'll let you know soon!" Followed by... nothing! I requested that he let me know by Thursday, which I DO NOT think is unreasonable, since who buys flights a matter of hours before departure? You should know if you are going to Boston from California within 24 hours of take-off, I think. And he didn't let me know.

On Friday I told him "I'm going to Boston either way. I need a break from NY." He texts me "Let me know when you get to Boston." I texted him when I got there. He didn’t tell me if he was coming at all on Friday. I texted him to ask if he was going to on Saturday, and then Saturday night at 5:30 pm I get "I'm here! What are you up to?" My mental response: Um, well. I wrote you off and made other plans. The flight is 6 hours, so there is no reason for it to take an ENTIRE DAY for you to get back to me, and you could have at least texted me "I am getting on a plane" when you were at the airport, you know? This "Surprise! I'm here! Drop what you're doing and come hang out" business is crap.

So, on principle, I didn't see him. I just said "I'm not on standby for you." That's what he gets for not coordinating with me. I mean, it was supposed to be a fun get-together, not a shitload of work and power plays.

Now, unfortunately, this did me no favors either, as I did not get laid and I ended up awkwardly inviting myself over to basically a complete stranger’s house. For lodging, I tried my highschool ex-boyfriend first. We had stayed friends and he has a girlfriend, so I didn’t think it would be weird. Nor do we have any unfinished business since we dated like 8 YEARS AGO and it mostly involved making out and going to Coldstone a lot. However, his response to my request "Would it be weird if I crashed on your couch Friday night" was "Have your boy toy put you up." I guess we are not as good of friends as I had thought. I would gladly have let him stay with me in NY any time and I’ve never asked him for anything! I’m sure this is more a moral high-horse situation though where he decides to act like my dad or something and have a "I can't support your whore-like activities" moment, which are frankly none of his business.

I can't do this.

So the conclusion was that I crashed on the couch of a 33 year old divorcee that my sister met on an airplane. And thank goodness he’s a nice guy and not totally weird. He even kindly let me tag along to a birthday party for his friend that included a nice dinner at a steakhouse and a series of strip clubs.

Adding to my memorable Boston experience, I got yelled at by a stripper in strip club #1. The guy letting me crash on his couch was asking me if I was okay with being at a strip club and I was responding to him with "Yeah. It's fine- Portland has a lot of them. I'm always impressed with the acrobatics! I can't even touch my toes!" and the girl stripping climbed up on the counter in front of me and started yelling "Bitch, you can't do what I do!"

Me: "Uh... I know. I was literally just telling him that."

Stripper: "I see you talking smack!"

Me: "No! I agree with you!"

Then she went upside down on a pole, doing crazy shit that I can’t even do in my fantasies shouting “Bitch, you come up here and try it!” Ma’am, I absolutely cannot use my own leg and the pull of gravity to gradually lower myself on a metal pole to the stage floor while being pelted with dollar bills. I just can’t! I’m impressed and not about to try it!

So the weekend was… interesting. But I have some new evaluating to do. I feel that all the men I am involved with romantically (or, rather, have been) are just not as fucking cool as they obviously think they are. But it’s really on me now- why do I pick people who are so self-centered? I need to cut these people out and broaden my horizons to the nice guys of the world.