Impending Homelessness

Well… no progress to report in the apartment hunting realm of my life. I have been scouring Craigslist fruitlessly all week since the adorable, gay-man –filled, apartment of my dreams went to another guy. I’ve now sent out something between 20-25 emails, and recently got a raise at work so I can look in a higher bracket of apartment expenses, yet the only responses I can get are from a girl who will not give me her phone number (and who I suspect may not have excellent command of the English language) and a Hungarian couple in Queens who work for the circus or something. How cliché Craigslist of them.

Potential Future Roommates

It seems unbelievable to me that myself, a full-time employed, clean, considerate, girl of nearly 25 cannot find a ROOM in an apartment for under $900 a month in New York City with anyone who does not seem unbearably sketchy. I’m normal! Well, I wouldn’t send them a link to this blog necessarily, but my shenanigans are endearingly awkward for the most part. It doesn’t have much effect on my home life. (Save for the last post where I began crying all over my roommate about my first world problems… perhaps I will not list him as a reference.)

I’m trying to think of some good alternatives, in case I am not successful in finding an apartment in a week. Here is what I’ve come up with so far, in order of likelihood:

1.       SRO. Single Room Occupancy. Basically it works like a dorm- you provide proof of employment and have some references, you receive a furnished room, a communal bathroom (typically same gender), and sometimes some meals are included. It will feel like a weird blast from the past, but at least it’s legitimate and could work for a short time.
2.       Summer Sublets. There is always the option of finding a less permanent arrangement for a month or two while I continue to look. And I can tolerate anyone, even the Hungarian trapeze couple, for two months.
3.       Youth Hostels. Hotel alternative for poor people. I feel like the ones in Europe are safer and a bit more mainstream. I’ve seen the hostel situation in NYC. Not cute.
4.       Couch surfing. Friends in NYC who would put me up for a few days include:

·         A nearly 50 year old gay fashion designer from Portland

·         A Broadway marketing girl in Queens who went to highschool with my sister

·         A 45-year-old former stripper who carries a knife in her bra and used to work at my restaurant. She also has a rabbit, two mice, a turtle, two cats, and a 30 lb dog freely roaming her apartment.

·         A jewelry designer who lives in California and keeps an apartment in the city, but creepily has requested that I share the bed with him when he’s in town visiting (says he’s just kidding, but I doubt it)

·         The early-thirties Jewish nephew of another guy in the diamond district who never fails to attempt to molest me when he drinks. He has a studio, which he generously offered to share.

5.       Sleeping under my desk. Our office is under construction (ie covered in dust) and I don’t know what I would do with my stuff. Also, I don’t think my boss would go for this plan.

Clearly, none of my existing choices are optimal. Apparently, all the normal, clean, responsible, non-creepy roommates are unavailable in the NYC area.