Lucky Day!

WELL!

What with the way things are going today, I am definitely feeling optimistic on my chances of getting lucky with Unsuccessful Date Guy tonight, who will be referred to as Potentially Successful Date guy from here on out. Here are the reasons that things are going well, and therefore making me believe this streak will continue:

Actual sign that sold me on the apartment.

The big one is- Today I found the apartment I will be moving to! It is in Brooklyn, NY. Clinton Hill/ Bedstuy area (which actually means nothing to me, as in my desperation I didn’t do much homework on the area). What I DO know is that I have hot roommate chemistry with the girl who lives there, we will be on the first floor of a brownstone, I can fit a queen sized bed in my room and we have separate bathrooms! Outrageous for NY. And only one transfer for me to go to work! Also, apparently someone in the neighborhood is giving away free hot dogs, which is clearly a sign from God that it’s meant to be.

Relating it to Potentially Successful Date guy- he apologized for taking forever to get back to me and we have arranged a breakfast date for tomorrow morning. Brilliant! As I am going to the variety show that he and his best friend host tonight, it would be quite easy for me to suggest a sleepover to make breakfast tomorrow that much more convenient AND since the show is downstairs in the same building as his apartment, it’s too easy! (Much like my sad, celibate self in this case)

The only thing that may thwart this plan is my preparedness. Everyone knows that if you go “too ready” everything will be jinxed for sure! Presently, I am wearing hot red lace underwear and a nice bra (not one of the gross nude colored ones with no padding that I typically wear) and I actually shaved my legs and underarms completely. Due to not liking the itchy growback phase with pubic hair, I’m sporting a “soulpatch” of sorts, but it’s still groomed enough that I am probably dooming myself to another night of solitary lameness. The fact that I regularly carry an emergency toothbrush in my purse almost guarantees I will never come into any action. 

Oh well- I can still hope! If I don’t come back to my apartment tonight, things either went really well (went home with Potentially Successful Date Guy) or really, really badly (got kidnapped during some process of commuting to the show). Wish me luck!

Dating Standards

Not to sound conceited, but sometimes being hit on is not flattering to the recipient. This is mainly because if someone thinks you’re hot, but some Law of Fairness, they also assume you’re stupid and insecure, and they treat you accordingly.

Exhibit A: One of my ex-boyfriend’s older brother’s friends used to send me messages on Facebook shortly after that boyfriend and I broke up. At the time, I thought cockiness was kind of cute and meant the guy was interested- plus I was vulnerable. That boyfriend later told me that the friend just thought I was hot and wanted to hook up with me.

This guy used to talk to me about a year ago and then communication dropped off the face of the earth. I figured that was fine- we didn’t know each other and I had met someone else, etc. 

On Friday I get the first message I get in a year:

“Ptown. What are you up to this weekend?”

I was responded somewhat coolly “I have some tentative plans. Is anything cool going on?” I haven’t talked to this person in a year AND I’ve never met him in person. WTF do you mean “What are you doing?” My regular life, dude. You’re not a part of it.

His response to mine: “Well, I will be in Portland, so basically everything is cool. My brother is having a BBQ- want me to keep you in the loop?”

My thoughts on this were “Do I want you to keep me in the loop? You are chasing me! I am the prize, bitch! I got hit on by two guys at Walgreens today when I was buying vaginal anti-fungal and birth control- the most un-sexy pharmaceutical combination of all time. So, if I gave a crap what you were up to for the past year, I probably would have called, and vice versa. You clearly don’t care about me and I don’t want to be your f-buddy. If I wanted to get laid, I would be getting laid. If I wanted to hang out with an overgrown frat boy a decade older than me who thinks he’s all that, I would have stayed with my ex. So, no, Toolbox- I do NOT want to go to your BBQ.”

I responded “If you want to. I’ll probably be hanging out with my girls though.” Maybe I am irrationally offended, but seriously. What girl would REALLY feel like it’s a privilege to be hanging out with some guy who only calls to hook up when he’s in town? Get over yourself. I have self-esteem! And in any case, I have a new list of standards about dating.

No addicts, alcoholics, abusers, psych cases, dead-beats, arrogance issues, clinginess issues, family problems, emotionally unavailable, financial instability, losers, creepers, anarchists, pedophiles, closet-gays, trust issues, liars, married-men, guys with kids, stalkers, polygamists, cheaters, smokers, short guys, gangsters, wanksters, or mamma’s-boys need apply.

I do not think this mission should be impossible.